Battle of the Bulge

Last night I finally had the opportunity to read Jackie Demaline's review of my show "Hooray for Speech Therapy." In her review, she gave me this advice: "One performance note: stand-up performers should empty their pockets before they go on stage to avoid weird bulges in their slacks." Wow! This is the first time a reviewer has admitted in print that they spent a good part of my show staring at the bulge in my "slacks."

Someone came up to me after last night's show and said to me, "Kurt, you are very funny on stage, but after reading that review I was expecting more of a bulge in your slacks. I would like a refund." And one Fringer asked, "Did you not empty your pockets or are you just glad to see me?"

Should I feel violated or complimented? I never dreamed that an, uh, average guy such as myself would reach a status only achieved by people such as John Holmes and Milton Berle. So I thank Jackie Demaline for finally giving my bulge the press it deserves, and audiences have two more chances to check it out for themselves! Friday 10pm and Saturday 7pm at Memorial Hall.

Kurt Fitzpatrick